Karachi Chronicles: A Story of hilarity and hijinks!

 Ever heard about someone courting disaster or pushing one's luck? 

Well, I did! And that's exactly where I turned toward the "Bad Beginning" on the epic saga of my Journey to Karachi. 

Let me tell you how it all started. 

It was one fine day; I was sitting and having a good time with my family when the phone rang. Now, that was quite unusual cause my phone doesn't ring often, and when it does, it's the Ufone recorded calls. So, as I said earlier, the phone call was unusual, as it was my Mamu calling from Karachi with a wedding invitation for his son.

Now, that sounded like a great opportunity to escape from my usual routine and jump out for an exciting trip! Little did I know what I was getting myself into! Just like me, all my other siblings were also excited and had their hearts set for this trip; I guess we all needed a lesson to not poke our noses in everything. 

Since everyone wanted to go and only six available spots (Only Desi Family Things), there was a clash of Titans, where each titan came forth, showcasing their skills and proving themselves worthy of that one seat. After a long and tiresome discussion, a few rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors, a few broken cups, and pulled hair, we had finally decided who would be going for the trip!

Don't worry! I was among the winners and considered myself to be born under a lucky star; now that I reminisce about that moment, I can't help but feel sorry about myself.

We were determined to make it a memorable journey, so we decided to make it more exciting by taking the train to Karachi. Ahhhh! All we imagined were the joys of train travel, gazing at the romantic scenery from the train windows with the rhythmic clackety-clack of the tracks taking us to the fairy meadows in our dreams. Little did we know, we were going in for a wild ride. 

We had booked six seats, so only six family members could travel, which is why we had to go through the epic showdown of Titans.

Anyways, after the fortunate six were announced, we started our preparations, anxiously waiting for the day of departure. Hours felt like months, days felt like years, time seemed to have stopped, and we felt like some prisoners locked up in a dark, blood-curdling cell with a time lock that wouldn't open no matter how hard we tried. So, to kill time, we packed and unpacked our bags so many times that our whole house started to look like it had been through a hurricane; there were clothes and shoes everywhere as far as two human eyes could trace! 

Now, you must also have heard about the uninvited trouble that will always show up before your important events or days, just like a pimple showing up before Eid and a "ناراض رشتےدار" just before an important family event. Totally unpredictable!

Or maybe it was more of an Invited trouble cause I intentionally and consciously invited it; I wonder where my mind was then. "Maybe it was in the gutter; what an expensive fate." 

I decided to get a haircut right on the day of departure!

Take my advice on this one cause I learned my lesson hard. NEVER GET A HAIRCUT DAY BEFORE AN IMPORTANT EVENT! I repeat, NEVER! It will always end up in a disaster, something that not even fairies can fix because they don't exist.

So to jump in this marsh, I set out with one of my sisters; and landed in a parlour! I told them how I wanted my haircut (which I thought would make me look like a superstar or one of those Korean Actresses, but the results showed something else). There was a brief pause before the hairstylist started experimenting with my hair, and soon I knew it was too late to turn back or run out of this trouble.

After slicing and dicing my imagination and hair with the shears of scissors, the stylist summoned another one to finally add petroleum to the fire and set the whole look on fire. And finally, when I looked in the mirror, all I could see was a Desi, Pakistani, heartbroken Shuzuka! (Not the Gold digger Shuzuka from Doraemon; at least she looked pretty). There are no words to describe the remorse and compunction that engulfed me; the whole world blurred for a minute as I tried to recognize and assure myself that the person in the mirror was no one but me!

With the whole world turned upside down, I got up and walked to the counter to pay for how brutally the hairstylist had ruined my life for the coming two important weeks. If I could set the whole place on fire, I would have done that to relieve myself.

So,

Looking like a Joker, when I returned home, a tantalizing aroma wafted towards me, igniting my senses and stimulating my hunger; I followed the aroma and made my way straight to the kitchen, which looked like a restaurant's kitchen preparing to serve at least twenty people. 

No, we weren't hosting a farewell party; the food was for our journey train journey! You'll have to wait to know what happened to this food later.

Outside the kitchen, everyone was running and screaming like hounds were coming after them. Someone yelling from the store room while trying to find their shoes; another one from the bathroom waiting for someone to hand over a towel; in a corner, one of my sisters screaming her lungs out to take the bags downstairs and to the gate. All in all, it looked chaotic, and I forgot about my joker-like haircut and look for a few moments. 

Soon after, we took all our luggage, bade farewell, and set off on the trek! 

Our first destination was the Railway Station! Now, you all must have heard horror tales about the situation of railway stations, and we were afraid to witness something similar to a dump or a junkyard. Still, surprisingly it was clean and glimmering. So after security clearance, we stepped into the train, where we started to lose the marbles.

After a few moments of excitement, the train stopped; now, we were sitting all excited like kids munching the snacks we brought to eat during the Journey, unable to comprehend the signs the universe was sending our way. However, every now and then, the train would slow down or stop in the middle of nowhere, leaving us completely clueless about what was happening and why it was stopping every other minute. 

Soon after, our enthusiasm turned into despair and anxiety as the train moved like a bride in her wedding dress. In fact, calling it a movement would be a shame on the name of the movement. Had there been a race between the slow tortoise and the Khyber Mail (train), the tortoise would definitely have won because at least it kept going no matter what, whereas our dear train where we were trapped between space and time, actually experiencing the Einstines theory of relativity come to life, it stopped anywhere it wanted to. In fact, at one point, we actually felt it was moving backwards! 

As someone says, "You can sleep even on your death bed"; amidst all the torture of space and time, my eyes started getting heavy with exhaustion, and I decided to lie down on the hard-as-a-rock berth seat of the train to have a shut eyes for some time. Still, I guess the rest was dissipated from my luck lines for two days.

Soon as I closed my eyes, a terrible wailing voice pierced my ears, shaking and awakening every nerve in my brain and body. I opened my eyes abruptly to see if there was a quarrel or robbery somewhere in the nearby cabins, only to find a guy dressed in railway staff's uniform trying to sell his "Sohan Halwa." I tried to ignore him and cast him off by simply refusing to purchase anything, but he was dead set on selling the "Sohan Halwa" at any cost. So, I had to sit and endure the torture until he gave up his hopes and moved to the next cabin.

Having him off our cabin was a relief, and I finally got back to the rock (berth) where I was sleeping. However, another green monster soon appeared, howling louder than the previous one trying to sell Biryani. Now, I am very fond of Biryani, but it was that moment when I wanted to throw the guy out of the window along with his Biryani boxes. No matter how hard I tried to sleep, the green monsters kept coming in one after another, dead set on hawking their wares to anyone they could. It seemed they had some vendetta against sleep and were determined to prevent anyone from experiencing it. No matter the time, they would come in like the angel of death and keep bellowing away like a foghorn. By the end of the trip, my ears had gone numb, and the constant yelps of "Sohan Halwa", "Biryani", "Chai", "Cold Drink", and whatnot had damaged some of my brain cells.

Now, another thing you'll have to struggle with during your train travel is the box in the name of the washroom. You should either have the ability to hibernate till the time the Journey ends, or you'll have to go through the torment of using the washroom-named thing in the train. First of all, we had to battle our way through the sea of sweaty bodies and prying eyes just to reach the washroom door and every single time, there would be a man who looked like a creature from Mordor's army from Lord of the Rings, sitting right in front of the washroom door like guarding something precious. We had to beg him to step aside and let us pass through and get into the tragic cell of a washroom. Once inside, we had to cling for our dear life as the cabin shook like a washing machine on steroids. Nobody, in their normal state of mind, would ever be able to forget or overcome the trauma of using the train's washroom. 

Here's another piece of advice for you if you plan a train trip to Karachi; "NEVER use the train's washroom while the train is at a haul or has stopped" If you do, you'll always be scared of using the washroom, your whole life.

So, to avoid the washroom trouble, we gave up food and water for the rest of our Journey and all the feast we had brought with us to enjoy during our Journey was given to the beggars we came across on different junctions. 

For the rest of our Journey, we sat like Zombies, hungry and dehydrated, patiently awaiting the train to reach the destination. The only thing that kept us alive and entertained was the scenery we could gaze outside the window (that, too, was horrible at times because of the dust storms and pesky kids who were trying to sell their food to us).

Finally, after waiting impatiently for about 48 hours or more, we finally heard that our destination was arriving and the train was to wait for only two minutes at the junction where we were supposed to get off. So, we gathered our camels and horses, stood by the door, and waited for the train to stop. 

As soon as the train stopped we burst out of it like we were chased by hounds or a herd of wild elephants. People pushed their way out of the train with more force than a bulldozer. It felt like we have survived a Zombie apocalypse; I swear, I would have done a summersault if I could, just for the heck of it. We had reached our destination after a long, tiresome, and nerve-cracking journey; our spirits were skyrocketing again as we landed in Karachi, thinking about an amazing stay and adventure.

But the misery just didn't end with the journey. 

The misery's end was the beginning of a new one!